The Flattest Place on Earth

The Flattest Place on Earth

We left Almaty around 2 in the afternoon and began our long, long drive to
Astana. For the first time we were driving into the setting sun, which was disorienting! Sad but true, we’d been depending on “celestial navigation” to confirm our route the entire time, and travelling east meant that the sun and Big Dipper were mostly above or behind us when we drove. Astana is northwest of Almaty, so we fought the feeling of going backwards as we knew this was the better route.

The main road from Almaty to Astana passes alongside the one feature in central Kazakhstan: Lake Balqash. We’re sure it is beautiful, but our view was obscured by the inky blackness of nightfall. The rest of central Kazakhstan looks just like this:

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In what we could only assume was an effort to make the landscape less boring, every once in a while there would be large, roughly made statues of animals. Goats, horses, rams, birds…they would be propped up in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason. Once we did come across the Kazakh national bird perched atop a statue of itself, an impressive display of self-awareness:

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The monotony of the flat Kazakh landscape was also occasionally broken up by roving groups of wild horses and herders with their flocks. The wild horses were impressive: they would be galloping across the land but, upon reaching the roadside, would come to a full stop. The horses would look both ways, walk carefully across the road, then pick up where they left off galloping into the distance. Amazing! The cows we met on the road didn’t show nearly as much caution, presumably because they knew that in a majority of Cow vs. Car match-ups, they would win.

The other upsides about the insanely boring drive north were: the road was quite decent most of the time, and the sunset was riveting.

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Since we left Almaty so late that day, we were only able to make it halfway up Lake Balqash before sleepiness truly set in. We pulled off at a gravel rest area near the lake to sleep. The night was cool and breezy, so I was intent on sleeping outside without the tent. The stars were unbelievably bright; we could see the Milky Way and a few planets with stunning clarity. Sadly, when I woke up, the great night quickly dissolved into a disastrous morning.

What I didn’t know or notice when I pulled out the sleeping bag was that one container of motor oil in the back had leaked all over it. Though the sleeping bag was inside a plastic bag, the motor oil still found a way in and soaked it through. Fresh motor oil doesn’t have much of a scent, and the thickness of the sleeping bag masked the feel of the oil. When I woke up, my last clean clothes were completely stained! We knew there was no way that we could suitably clean the sleeping bag, so from that point on our ‘alternative’ sleep options were going to be limited.

Our average speed was high at least, so by lunchtime we reached Karagandy. Karagandy is a decent-sized city, which was a bit surprising given the landscape surrounding it. We had lunch at a cafe that promised coffee and wifi, but the wifi wasn’t working that day much to our regret. To make up for it, the cafe had some amazing fresh buns on offer that were delicious!

Around dinnertime we finally reached the new capital of Kazakhstan. Astana is HUGE. We’d heard some things about Astana in the past, and what we heard entirely contradicted what we saw in this city. It’s packed with people and shiny new architecture, complete with graceful bridges and manicured parks. We even saw three Rally teams on the way in, so we were hearted by the fact that we weren’t the only ones taking this alternative route! Astana even had a Hardee’s, so for the first time in over a decade for both of us, we ate Hardee’s burgers for dinner with a side of sweet, sweet free wifi.

We bagged a room at the brand new Hilton Garden Inn that had, gasp! A self-serve laundry room! We looked like horrors walking in, but my oil-stained clothes were washed and we got to sleep in real beds with a nice view of the city proper. Unfortunately, it seems the change of weather from burning Uzbekistan to cool Kazakhstan hit me pretty hard, as I spent the night afflicted with intense chills.

Astana is impressive, and everything you think you know about the Kazakh capital through Borat or hearsay needs to be thrown out the window. It’s a shame we didn’t have time to explore the city, but it was lovely while we were there. The next day, we had to tackle the Kazakh-Russian border.